Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
