That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
