At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
