i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
