i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
