I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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