yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
