I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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