btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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