I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
