You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
