Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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