TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
