Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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