At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
