Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
