if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
