an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
