she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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