No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
