Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
