You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
