I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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