i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
