I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
