I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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