i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
