Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
