And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This house was built for laser tag.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
