I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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