if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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