sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
