do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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