so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
