Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
