lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
