i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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