he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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