his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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