The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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