Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
