I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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