just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
...so i touched it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
