I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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