Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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