When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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