Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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