Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
