More tranny stories later!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
