the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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