apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
dude. I can hear the air.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
