alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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