thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
