you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
