woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
