oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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