thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
